Out of Ammo

My house feels haunted sometimes.

With my husband and me on opposite schedules it’s almost laughable how two people living in the same house barely see each other. The loneliness I feel is immense. So if you’re wondering where I got the inspiration for Elmiryn’s lonely nature…there you go.

For no particular reason I’ve felt very depressed and frustrated. Any happiness I’ve found in the past two weeks has felt short lived. I’m not trying to sound melodramatic, because I realize that my recent challenges have not been the worst I’ve been through or ever will be. But there’s something in my angle of perspective at the moment that’s not allowing me to see the good in my life. I get anxious and depressed and feel….angry. Angry at everything. Resentful almost. Yesterday I had a scary moment. I went to my husband’s drawer and pulled out his glock. When I realized there were no bullets I got mad. Not because I felt like Eric didn’t trust me, but because I couldn’t do what I wanted…which I’m still not certain what that was. I just knew I felt destructive. Towards myself. I felt like I was railing against the limits of my life: financially, physically, morally…

You see why I avoided doing a personal blog? I just get whiny and dark like this. Anyway, I’m at work and have to get back. Eikasia may be late and so may ALP!.

I’m going to keep trying guys. At everything.

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