Tag Archives: funny

Eikasia: A Day in the Life – That Time of the Month

So to celebrate Spirit Day 2014, I wanted to share this short Eikasia piece with you all. It’s just an amusing bit that I may or may not use in the upcoming e-book, In Sight, In Mind. If you aren’t familiar with my lesbian fantasy romance series, you can purchase the first book, Tributaries, on Smashwords at a discounted price, along with its prequels: a low-cost novella and two free short stories here: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/cajeck

I want to do more shorts like these in the future for Eikasia. A sort of “A Day in the Life” series featuring some of the unique challenges Nyx and Elmiryn have to face day-to-day. It’s inspired by the Xena Warrior Princess episode of the same name.

Anyway, without further ado…


 

There were a number of challenges to traveling with Elmiryn, many of which I came to expect the longer I stayed with her, and yet somehow there was one unique issue that I had managed to forget about. That special burden suffered only by the fairer sex.

Yes…that.

It might sound odd that I would forget such a defining trait among women of any species, but you must understand, Ailuran women have long cycles in comparison to humans. Like many shapeshifter races, my feline folk are fertile but once a year. Twice if we are lucky. It’s part of the reason our population is so few in the world. All that said, I never had to suffer the moodiness brought on by such a condition all that much. I myself have only bled maybe nine times in my life. I even skipped a year, after the death of my family, due to severe stress and malnutrition.

So when my sensitive therian nose detected that subtle but telling scent from Elmiryn, I braced myself. Was she especially moody during these periods? I’d seen the redhead irritable before, and I wasn’t eager to see it again. Who would be? It was doubly awkward as she was my only company out on the trail.

But in typical fashion, Elmiryn surprised me. She wasn’t grumpy. She wasn’t depressed. She wasn’t even tired.

No. She was just more…Elmiryn.

“Elmiryn give it back!” I protested as my companion snatched Tobias’s book from near my bedroll.

She flipped through the pages, holding the book aloft as I tried, ineffectively, to snatch it back. “How can you read this?” She giggled. “This Tobias has the shittiest writing I’ve ever seen! My instructors would have been appalled!”

“Not all of us has had the benefit of being noble-born, Elmiryn! Now please, return my book!”

She glanced at me, unconcerned as she held it over my head. “Nyx, this will rot your brain. If you’re not careful, you’ll be speaking in the old tongue!”

I stomped my foot. “Elle, enough! I don’t find this funny! You promised you wouldn’t touch my things!”

“Faireth Nyx! Thou art turningeth the fairest shadeth of pinketh!”

“That isn’t even how they talked! You’re behaving like an asshat.”

Elmiryn pouted and finally tossed me my book. “Me thinketh Nyx doth not knoweth how to taketh a joketh,” she mumbled.

I glowered at her as I returned the book to my other belongings. “It isn’t my fault you humans bleed once a month! Must I suffer alongside you?”

The redhead quirked an eyebrow at me. “Well now! I don’t remember mentioning my personal business to you!”

I flushed and busied myself with gathering my things. “I can’t help it. My nose is sensitive. It is by no means a reflection on you.”

“Oh I suppose that’s good. For a moment I thought I was attracting the wildlife.”

I frowned at her. “Why do you sound disappointed?”

“Well you see, I had this dream wherein a squirrel went down my pants and–”

Stop. I changed my mind, I don’t want to know!”

 

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Florence and the Machine Live – October 5th

Me and Aprilfish caught some VIP tickets for a Florence and the Machine concert in Mountain View, CA’s Shoreline Amphitheater. I was drunk and emotional so I apologize for my caterwauling, ha ha. Anyway, here’s the goods!

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Return to Cali

I recorded my arrival into SFO two days ago after nearly 8 hours traveling. I was elated to see my parents and best friend waiting for me. Aprilfish, aka Emily, had the best reaction in the world! 😀

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Quick set up: Kitty Norville is an “out of the closet” werewolf who hosts her own syndicated late night radio talk show about the supernatural and all the things and people related to it. In the tenth installment of this series, Kitty has been invited to be the keynote speaker for the world’s very first International Conference on Paranatural Studies, taking place in London. Now enjoy the quote… 🙂

“Uh, hi, Kitty. Thanks.” He was male, laid back. He sounded kind of stoned, actually.

“You have a question or comment?”

“Yeah, so this thing’s in London, right? You’re going to London?”

“I think that’s what I’ve said about a dozen times over the last hour in a shameless bid for self-promotion.”

“Right.” He sniggered, like he was suppressing giggles. “So that’ll make you”—more sniggering—“an American werewolf in–”

I cut him off. “I’m sorry, I seem to have lost that call. And I’d better not hear any Warren Zevon references either. Sheesh, people. Let’s break for station I.D.”

I had a feeling I was going to be hearing lots of cracks like that over the next few weeks. I didn’t need to start now.

From pg. 13 of Carrie Vaughn’s, Kitty Steals the Show. Buy it on Amazon!

Read Carrie Vaughn’s fun blog here on WordPress!

I’m sorry, I seem to have lost that call.

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My favorite anti-jokes (so far)

If you don’t know what an anti-joke is, then you must have been living in your house, because it’s the NEW CRA-ZAY THANG all the hip kids are doing these days. Basically, an anti-joke is just something with all the standard framings of a normal joke, but with a dark, literal, or otherwise anti-climactic ending. Here are three my favorites from lowest to highest.

  • How do you confuse a blonde?
    You paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
  • So this dyslexic man walks into a bra…
  • Why did the clown kiss the tree?
    Because he walked into it.

 

That last one? I came up with when I was seven years old.

I’m such a trendsetter.

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Cat Naps

Okay guys. Yes. I KNOW. I didn’t update Eikasia yesterday. I have ALP! to update today. So why the hell am I doing posts about documentaries at 7 in the morning? WELL…

Yesterday, I had my usual Sunday shift, which was absolutely KILLER. After discovering that I had a busy schedule this week right up onto the moment I fly back to California for a month (updates will resume during that time, don’t worry) I was practically dead on my feet. I lifted I don’t know how many pounds of food and dishware to the kitchens, and it felt like a damn marathon. My entire left side ached, my right wrist ached, my right ankle was all fucky, and everything throbbed. This wasn’t me being soft from days of not working. This was just the after effects of a lot of suck.

So after sitting at home with my husband Eric for an hour, I tell him I’m going to “lie down” for a little while. My intention was to continue reading Sharp Objects, then perhaps get started on Eikasia, which I was woefully behind on. But then my eyes started to burn and felt harder to keep them open, so I decided for quick cat nap.

Quick…ha! Yeah, right.

I ended up sleeping from 6PM to 2AM guys. Not lying. When I got up, I discovered my husband, who had stayed up nearly twenty four hours, had fallen asleep on the couch. This was part of the reason I never got up, because he was technically supposed to come in and hang out with me on the bed. Read that however you like that. The basic point is: I fell asleep, and nothing woke me up—not my phone, not my husband, and certainly not my everlasting guilt over how behind on writing I am.

I’m being a little facetious here.

Anyway, I once again have my gaming group coming in tonight at 8PM. But hey! Since my ass is up so early, I suppose I can knock out ALP! and Eikasia in one day! Right?

…Right?

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Instant message from I.M. #3

Here in the wealthy and ultra  conservative community of Augusta, “religious acceptance” means Evangelists, Protestants, and Baptists getting along.

OMG DESE PEOPLE

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